We Need Counseling !! We Need Help !!
Have you ever thought or said these words?
Well I have. I used to work outside the home and get kudos from others around me, but now I was at home with kids in junior high and high school. I felt trapped and alone.
My husband’s work caused him to travel during the week frequently. In my eyes, he seemed important, had feelings of accomplishment and was needed by those he worked with.
My job at home, on the other hand, consisted of dirty clothes, dirty dishes, dirty bathrooms and kid’s activities.
When he was home–we just weren’t on the same page.
We went to counselor after counselor trying to ‘fix’ us. We had both been married before and divorced and I, at least, knew that was not the magical answer–it was the most devastating thing I’d ever been through. Deep down I loved my husband–it took a very difficult thing happening to realize that later–because all I felt for him on the surface was anger and resentment that he wasn’t available or seemingly interested in me or home anymore.
I didn’t understand what was going on in my husband at all–I didn’t know the feelings of inadequacy he was having at home knowing I was not happy and not knowing how to “fix” us either. At work he was a hero–but at home there were just problems from people he spent little time with, so had next to no relationship with, and he just felt like all he was getting out of the whole thing was being used, being a meal ticket. Being home meant “work” on house projects, kids needs and being around a woman who seemed to despise him.
We were stuck
I needed him to acknowledge my feelings of being unloved and take steps to make me feel loved. At the same time, he was feeling totally disrespected and couldn’t function at home without that.
Have you ever been in that place where neither of you can reach out to the other because you’re both hurting too much?
A life saving thing happened for us…it was an invitation by a friend to come to a Love and Respect class. We didn’t know what it was, but decided we needed to give it a try. It was a 5 week DVD series. Right away we could relate to what the speaker was talking about–The Crazy Cycle. It’s when she doesn’t get the love she needs from her husband, she does very disrespectful things (sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly) to her husband. And when he doesn’t get that respect from her, he does very unloving things to her. In other words 2 hurting people keep on hurting each other, hoping this will improve their relationship and make them have fond feelings toward each other. And when this doesn’t work, they keep doing it–this is crazy–and you each go off to your own corner of the same house (or garage) and wonder–why do we do this–how do we stop and can we ever get those good feelings back–or are we just headed for divorce court or eternal misery?
One of the most encouraging things in that first session, besides addressing right where we were–broken and in the crazy cycle–was realizing we were not the only ones struggling with these marriage issues–we were not alone and there was hope.
We want to encourage you
If you and your spouse are having struggles, there is hope. We’d like to invite you to a Love and Respect class. It impacted our marriage and revolutionized it.
After hosting this class over 37 times, we have seen how marriages have changed and heard over and over “I wish I had known this a long time ago.”
Give us a call or an email with any questions.
David and Sheila Livingston
Sheila: 573 692-1277
We would love to hear from you!